December 2011
7 posts
Also today’s headline face-off: “Beyond Beauty: Cheerleading’s Terrifying Danger” vs. “Ho, Ho, OH!”
And today’s headline face-off finalists are: “Italy Seeking Women with French Breast Implants” vs. “Alien Space Ball Drops on Namibia”
RT @DELOFROZE: #GodIsNotGreat…WHO EVA MADE THIS A TRENDIN TOPIC …ILL PERSONALLY KILL EM MYSELF….GOD IS THE BEST THANG EVA MANE…AMEN
Need ideas for reception songs. “Hurt,” “Enjoy the Silence,” and “Hallelujah,” have all been vetoed by the fun-hating love of my life.
NEW IDEA: Pulled pork waffle sammies!! #genius #filingcopyright #waitingformillionstobeginrollingin #gonnadiveintomymoneylikescroogemcduck
RT @RL_Stine: #notmakingthisup A new book, FELON FITNESS, teaches you how to get the hard body of a prison inmate.
KY church bans mixed couples after visiting black man sings for them. Probs more about song choice than anything.
November 2011
2 posts
RT @DianeSawyer: Love this: if we all spent $64 on #American made #gifts during the holidays - the result 200k new US jobs. Are you in?
Missing my family. Thanksgiving went by too quickly. Wish I could transport a section of Ohio to CA. The amish can have the leftovers.
September 2011
5 posts
Went to a party. Beth wore her men’s Costco slippers. Reason #487 why I am marrying her.
Boss just asked if I was happy at my job. I’m thinking I probably should not have taken so long to respond.
Definitely not a false alarm. Never eating there again except one more time.
Pretty sure it was a false alarm. Gonna eat the other half of the sammie in question so I can put my mind at ease.
It’s somewhat comforting to know that my problems have never been as bad as whatever is happening to/in the guy in the next stall.
May 2010
14 posts
Hour three of a nine hour meeting. #wishiwaskidding
I could use a few more puppies in my life.
If any of you on the east coast ruins Lost for me I will come to your house and re-enact the entirety of Maid in Manhattan.
Off to play the Devil. #actingisweird
The Ren Faire or drunk brunch+hiking?? So far my 30’s have been marked with adult decisions.
Amazing birthday. Spent in the company of superheroes @teresaclaire @jofosterwilson and @JLoSH. I’ve never felt safer.
I’m 30. It’s a fact.
MacBook Pro. F you 30.
Really hope I switched to that unlimited texts plan or this month just got rull expensive.
Vegas!
Un ejército de uno.
It’s been one day since my baby’s been gone, and I’ve learned remembered a lot about myself in 24 hours. More to follow…
I cried. http://bit.ly/dnPDNw
Go cavs. And thanks for squandering any plans I might’ve had for the night.
Chris Brown singing the National Anthem at a boxing match…
April 2010
30 posts
I would sell my first born child for a chicken parm from Boston Pizza right now.
Yes, you did just say, “that stupid Obama policy from back in 2007.”
Troo. RT @jofosterwilson: @teresaclaire you are hot and hilarious in Nothing is Cool. Hot. Hilarious. RADNESS
If I told you what song just made me tear up, you’d stop speaking to me.
RT @RebeBrey: “NIPPERS…it’s a salon” http://twitpic.com/1huvnv
I have been keeping a record of wrongs. Can’t remember if I am or am not supposed to do that.
My prize at drag queen bingo was a one hour private magic party. That’s probably not what you think it is.
RT @thinaar: RT @bobulate: The $18,000 typo: http://bit.ly/9ofalM
Just won drag queen bingo. Yup.
Rules of the day.
Rule of the day for April 20th
1.) “Get busy living or get busy dying.”
-Morgan Freeman as Sage Old Black Man
“Set the bar high. Just don’t expect to lean on it.”
This coffee shop has valet parking.
That guy. Legitimately crazy. The cops just stood there as he screamed and bit himself. He’d do well on the subway.
Inside the Actors Studio with @iamdiddy. Done now.
Not 1 but 2 people just rode by me on unicycles. #getmeoutoftheoc
Truth. RT @iamdiddy: How do you know how I feel when I wake up in the morning?????
whaaaaa???? Amaxing!!! RT @dyanysus1116: “Newsies” possibly coming to Broadway? Oh yes please!
Just heard someone say, out loud, “You can’t take a picture of her, she’s so black.” #what
So proud of my baby.
My birthday is also apparently World Hepatitis Day. So…great.
Just found out Ann Boleyn was beheaded on my birthday. You know, before.
O you gods, what sharper torture could’st thou have devised than that of having the theme from “Home Improvement” stuck in mine head?